Dear Weary Mom, Today I feel desperate.
Not desperate to get away from my boys, just desperate for more joy. Hearts have been hard, and relationships feel strained, and I'm working to win hearts that feel a little cold and indifferent.
I read about how mamas who are ahead of me in the game say I need to live the joy of the Lord in front of my boys. I want them to know how good Jesus truly is, and how He is the only One who can really satisfy the longings of a heart. But today, (and if I'm honest...a lot of days) the weariness steals my joy.
So I get on my knees and touch the hem of His garment, and I tell Him that I need healing (again). He turns around, because power has gone out of Him to heal this woman groveling at His feet, and looks on me with love. And I can tell by the look on His face—the look of love, grace, and belonging—that I've come to the right place in the midst of my desperation.
Maybe it's OK for a mom to be desperate.
Isn't it desperation that sends me to the cross for mercy, grace, and hope time and time again?
Isn't it desperation from circumstances outside my control that sends me diving headfirst toward the hem of my Savior's garment?
Isn't it my desperate need for a joy that has nothing to do with what I can see, and everything to do with what goes unseen that keeps me in the Savior's arms?
And isn't it in the Savior's arms where I truly find joy that lasts?
Maybe it's OK for a mom to be desperate, if that desperation leads her to Jesus.
Maybe living the joy of the Lord in front of my boys is less about looking like June Cleaver, and more about living the truth. Maybe it's less about having a smile on my face and a song in my heart all the time, and more about showing my boys where the true source of joy is...at the feet of Jesus.
Life is hard and it always will be. When the current circumstances that steal my prayers day and night during this season of nitty gritty parenting cease, others will replace them. And one day, my boys will need grace for the nitty gritty too. Reality is hard hearts and difficult grace. So I'll live grace, and run to Jesus for joy, and maybe Jesus will look on my sweet family, have mercy on us, and let my boys run to Him for joy behind me.
Pray with me today, mama?
Lord, I'm weary, and I need You to come and help me remember the joy of my salvation. Help me remember all the ways You've met my needs in the past, so I can have faith in Your ability to do it again. Give me grace for these nitty gritty days and mercy as I run to You. In your name I pray, Amen.
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