if my life was a book of the Bible

If my life was a book of the Bible, it might read something like this: The Lord God created for His pleasure a girl child, and named her Brooke. And He looked at her and loved her and said she was very good. He put a song in her heart and gave her the desire to sing it in journals wrinkled with pages scribbled, and journals copied and pasted on screens with keyboards clicking. This gift, He knew, would serve as a reminder to Brooke of her first love.

Selah

And the Lord God looked down upon the humble estate of His beloved daughter, Brooke, and saw that her heart was divided.

Now Brooke had been raised in the church and taught to love the Lord her God with all her heart from childhood. But as a teenager she turned from her first love, disobeyed God's command, and allowed herself to be tempted by the looks and charm of a man who didn't know the Lord.

And because He knew that Brooke's heart was stubborn, and because He loved her too much to allow her to ruin her life, God decided to send a plague upon her to get her attention. And so from that day forth, every time she prepared to have a date with this man she began to feel sick. By the time he picked her up she was fully nauseous, and most of their dates for the next three months saw Brooke with her head over the toilet in the lady's room because she had hardened her heart against the Lord's command. She repented and waited for the Lord.

Selah

And the Lord God looked down upon the humble estate of His beloved daughter, Brooke, and saw that her heart was divided.

Now Brooke had committed her life fully to God walking with Him and learning from Him for many years. And the Lord had  blessed her with a husband after His heart, two beautiful sons, and a desire to write for His glory. But her heart had wandered, and she allowed herself to be tempted by the charm of a traditionally published book.

And because she had taken the dream He placed in her heart and made it into an idol, God knew that He would have to tell her no. So He disciplined His beloved daughter and showed her the ugliness living inside her heart. When she looked, she found bitterness, jealousy, and a heart that had chosen to love writing more than God. She repented and waited for the Lord.

Selah

And the Lord God looked down upon the humble estate of His beloved daughter, Brooke, and saw that her heart was divided.

He thought about whispering it to her heart in that still, small voice, but decided that if He really wanted to get her attention He would have to do something drastic. So instead of suggesting to her that she needed to be quiet at the Relevant Conference in 2011, and give her the opportunity to be obedient, God took her voice. An hour before the conference started Brooke was reduced to a total whisper. And one hour after the conference was over, her voice made its way back and she knew that she had been in the presence of the Lord.

Heart open and willing, then the Lord whispered, "Stop using your voice for you. Use it for Me." And she picked up the stack of five book proposals still lying in her suitcase, and waved goodbye to the agents and publishers she had hoped to give them to. Because in her silence, she had heard God loud and clear. Now, now she didn't want to ask the Lord for anything at all. She just wanted to receive what He had to give.

She repented and waited for the Lord.

Selah

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God speaks to me clearly, and all of the stories above are 100% true. Over the years He has made me vomit, told me no, and taken my voice, all in the name of wooing my heart back to Him. Doesn't my story read a little like Exodus? The Lord God brought the Israelites up out of Egypt, provided for them, wooed them, forgave them over and over again. He'll use all the power of heaven to win the heart of His beloved. A little vomit, saying no to a dream, and taking a voice are all tools in His bag of extravagant love. I'm grateful.

I can't begin to understand all that God means when He says, "Stop using your voice for you. Use it for Me." But I do know that it has something to do with the fact that some 340 million people in the world don't even have one verse of God's Word. I want to scream to the world to choose God. Choose Him! Choose Him over your emotions. Choose Him over your experiences. Choose Him over what you see and over what you don't see. Always, always choose Him. But how can they choose Him if they don't know Him. And how can they know Him if they don't have His Word.

They don't have His word.

I'm not OK with that.

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And it also has a little to do with my writing. I would write even if I didn't have a blog. And if there was no internet I would scribble my heart on paper and wrap it up in a journal as a gift to my Father. I just love to write. And I want to challenge myself to do it more, do it better, and use this space and this little gift all for Him.

She repented and waited for the Lord.

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